Being All Sick

Today I am on sick leave.

The thing is, I haven’t been getting a good sleep for a while and everyday there is something I mess up/forgot/angry about because I am just exhausted. My milk supply dipped that I only managed to get 4.5 oz the whole day yesterday. I talked to my husband about it. He decided to help to let me sleep better last night by taking the kids sleeping elsewhere and letting me comfortably use the room.

Fat chance.

All I heard was Heartbeat screaming because there is no mommy.

I felt kesian that my husband must be miserable, so I just asked everybody to get back into the room. Heartbeat was sleeping five minutes later snuggled close to me. By then my sleeping space had reduced to half causing me to only be able to sleep on my side. Which must be why I always woke up with tired body: I’m forced to sleep in one position all night.

My husband asked me to switch so I got the bigger side and he would take the smaller side.

Fat chance.

Heartbeat woke up about two minutes later, realized he wasn’t close to me and start screaming again, to which I try to lull him back and upon seeing I’m on the other side of bed, he rolled straight into my arm so then my space become halved again.

He kept waking up now and then through the night. Sometimes I woke my husband up to ask him to help me. Sometimes I don’t. But now he understands why I couldn’t sleep well. Because Heartbeat isn’t either.

I got sick leave today and spent it sleeping so far. I got a good deep sleep for two hours where I dreamed that my kids got kidnapped and of reflector sheet trial run. 😅

But a good sleep nevertheless.

No, I don’t need to slay everyday. I don’t need to be a supermom. I don’t need to be able to do things guys do.

When I’m tired or sick, it’s OK for me to take a break and breathe and sleep like normal people do. I don’t mind people calling me lembik for not being able to suck things up or whatever, because in the end, it makes my emotional health a lot more better when you are able to do what you want. Instead of having to listen to people’s expectations.

And if you are a husband and your wife is tired, help get the kids of them. Don’t let the they-only-want-their-mom excuse get in your way. If they don’t want you now, and you don’t do anything to help things get better, what chances is it would they want you later.

Remember: a happy mom = a happy family.


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