For the record, it isn’t because he’s sorta *my* heartbeat or whatever.
And he wasn’t even called Heartbeat.
The word was Lubdup. And this is the story of how he comes to be.
Back when I was pregnant with Love, we had our check-ups at the klinik desa. Because I literally lived in kampung back then.
We used to wake up in the wee hours in the morning because the clinic got filled fairly quickly, and my husband and I did not feel like spending an entire leave for a clinic check-ups. We could, however, go in a bit late than usual, given our bosses permits it.
On my first day of opening that infamous pink maternity book, the doctor at the klinik desa asked me to go to the klinik kesihatan for a first-time verification. And the one we were required to go was the one in Dengkil. I was in full-blown morning sickness and the journey there didn’t help. But we made it. My husband had refused to accompany me into the doctor’s room. He feels that he doesn’t need to hover around while the doctor was checking on her wife. And so I went in on my own and was surprised that the doctor promptly wanted to do a scan.
Ha, my husband is missing big time! I got to see the first scan without him! I remember thinking.
I was shown the tiny peanut in my womb. With an even tiny blinking heartbeat.
Oh, the joy I felt.
And 9 weeks later, there was nothing. That tiny pulsing thing on the screen was gone.
But I saw it before with my own eyes. It was there! There’s no was it can be missing! I didn’t even feel anything strange.
Missed abortion – that was what written on the record. I am the only person who has the memory of seeing that heart beats.
And about a year later, we were in the doctor’s room again scanning for the newly conceived baby. This time the gynae of a private hospital, but we still had to wake up at the wee hours in the morning because the hospital too fills up pretty quickly.
And there it is. The firmly beating heart. My husband saw it for the first time.
We seriously did everything we could to keep the heart beats, not cutting down on any check-ups and scans, exhausting though some of them may be. At one point we even had appointments at two hospitals. We looked at his nose in 3D scan (didn’t bother to go for 3D scan with Winter ha ha ha), count his fingers in 2D scan. I eat all the prescribed meds and vitamins. We looked at all possible complications (this dude got low-lying placenta some more and then stopped growing past 34 weeks) and gave him our very best.
Lubdup. His name is lubdup.
The Korean way to express the sound of heartbeat.
For that day we saw his heart beating for the first time.